i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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