I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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