some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
