farters have to be the big spoon...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
