i think i have two assholes
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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