put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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