Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
