My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
