God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
