So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
