he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
