sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
