there's paper in my vomit.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
