Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
