I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
