I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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