i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
