you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
