i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
