what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
