it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
