hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
