I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
