I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
