so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
