I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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