haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
