Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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