I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just found a bag of teeth...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
