He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
