I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
