even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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