I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
