i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
