Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This is the high leading the old right now
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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