Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
