the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think i have herpe
just one?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
