her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
