You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
