I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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