i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
