I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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