If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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