Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
