I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
