i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In other news, I just burned my penis
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
