yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
