I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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