I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
