There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
