i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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