physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The best revenge is premature balding
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
