there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
