Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
