this beer tastes like vomit already
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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