I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
